I'm involved in an uphill emotional battle. Being "strong, independent, focused, yadda yadda"....doesn't come without a price tag. They kinda forget to tell you that in grade school when they tell you to be who you "truly" are, express yourself, "reach for the stars...."
its a different world when you want change. most people don't. i'm feeling rather odd considering the new year and "new slate" everyone thinks they get when the year starts over. But nothing is REALLY clean, nothing is REALLY new, you just lie to yourself so you feel better about the shit you know is just gonna roll over into next year. My family issues aren't going anywhere cuz the calendar changed, my ex still haunts me, my worries stay the same, and then some. The mind is a crazy thing.
The only person i really battle is MYSELF. Everything is such a mind game. I have to continuously talk myself into and out of situations. pump myself up. be my own best friend. trust myself, doubt myself. lie to myself about certain things, and remind myself of my own truths. i have to be balanced and checked and re-booted.
I don't know if its cuz I'm straight pms-ing, if its cuz my muthafuckin tooth hurts and i had to make an emergency trip to the dentist, my disturbing family fone calls, my lack of yoga attendance, the dirty ass glasses im wearing but am too pissed off to wipe clean (like that makes ne thing better) or that wu-tang WON'T be in studio tomorrow thats making my mind race.... but whatever.
Im in a shit mood. and im revelling. tomorrow enough of the shit.
1 comment:
I know its February, but what the hell....So to my post.
I completely agree with the whole "clean slate" deal with the beginning of a new year. But I like to look at it in a different light, which requires no lying or convincing yourself otherwise. It can even be a simple as saying every day is a new day. What ever happened in the past year, you can do nothing about, but archive, learn from and reference in the future. More or less it's a clean slate in which you can't start over with, but grow on. Shit happens and life sucks at times, everyone knows this and if they don't, they need come back down to Earth. You can't lie to yourself about anything if it has already happened. I dunno, I guess thats just the way I see things after something had a large impact on my life. Take it for what you will, I'm certainly not preaching this is the way it should be handled, but an additional insight on that topic.
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